The Good Girl and Confrontation

I have neglected my reading, I admit. But, I am confident I will finish this book soon. I would like to share some of my thoughts on confrontation and being a "good girl."

First, I was strangely amazed at how some of this resonated with me. I can torture myself over mistakes - even small ones - for days, weeks, and in some cases even years. I find them to be black marks against my own self worth. It is as if I worry that if I rack up too many black marks, I will be an utter failure with no hope of redemption. As girls we fail to realize that we might do bad things, but that doesn't make us bad people.

It is strange how this myth of what society expects girls to be (we will talk about the external in the future) as people is so unrealistic. The issue of confrontation is one that I see in my own home and with teenagers I work with at times. You confront them with what they did wrong, and most of the time get one of two responses: 1) denial or 2) a complete breakdown.

If one girls does try to confront another, the sad reality is that generally both cannot handle such conflict. The one being confronted may escalate the conflict...one small incident that a confident young woman may be trying to confront and nip in the bud quickly can easily become a school wide epidemic with full on facebook/twitter attacks. The issue is quickly forgotten and some other "problem" becomes the focus so as to justify the responses. In addition, the confident young woman has had such a negative experience that she will learn to just deny, ignore, or deal with issues in a less positive manner because trying to handle it the right way was so poorly received.

I see this cycle so frequently with teenage girls - and sadly - with their mothers as well. So, my constant question is...here is the problem. What is the solution? How do we help girls grow up with a better self image and ability to handle these issues? After all, the real goal is to help young girls become confident women? How can we do that when we accept many of these "stereotypes" or actions as just they way girls are?