Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Shopping and Confidence
We have been conditioned as women to believe certain things. In fact, men have been conditioned too. We have allowed some insensitive people who are trying to make money tell us what is funny at the expense of the dignity and respect of both men and women.
It isn't simple...it is all very complicated and the examples you will see in this blog are obvious, however, there are many more subtle ways we tell our girls they can't do anything they want. Think about it...look around the next time you are shopping...share your thoughts.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Chapter Two: Is She Mad at Me? Good Girl Communication Rituals
Okay, ladies. If you are reading this book, you know what this chapter is about: Assumptions. Remember what happens when we assume? Unfortunately, I just kept thinking, "Women do this. Not just girls. Not just high schoolers, but WOMEN do this too."
We make assumptions and often it shakes our confidence. We think we know what others are thinking about us by the way they look at us, talk to us, and act in general. We do not always open our minds and seek to understand. We often first ASSUME we understand instead of seeking to do so.
The girls in this chapter are often their own worst enemy because they make an assumption about the intended meaning of an action which results in a kind of self fulfilling prophecy. Here is the question I pose, mothers: In what way do we let these types of actions impact us today?
We make assumptions and often it shakes our confidence. We think we know what others are thinking about us by the way they look at us, talk to us, and act in general. We do not always open our minds and seek to understand. We often first ASSUME we understand instead of seeking to do so.
The girls in this chapter are often their own worst enemy because they make an assumption about the intended meaning of an action which results in a kind of self fulfilling prophecy. Here is the question I pose, mothers: In what way do we let these types of actions impact us today?
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
It's Tough Being a Girl
As I continue to read the book and process, I also think about how tough it is to be a girl in today's society. I think it is just as tough to be a boy, but women are objectified at every turn. Magazines, books, television, video games, internet, and everywhere you can see.
How are we supposed to have a realistic image of what girls look like? Act like?
How are we supposed to bring up confident girls into young ladies that turn into strong able women?
It seems like all forces fight against us some days - and frankly, it would appear that most people think when we ask these questions, point out the sexism, and challenge the current status quo, they aren't very interested in listening because we are being a little "crazy."
Thoughts?
How are we supposed to have a realistic image of what girls look like? Act like?
How are we supposed to bring up confident girls into young ladies that turn into strong able women?
It seems like all forces fight against us some days - and frankly, it would appear that most people think when we ask these questions, point out the sexism, and challenge the current status quo, they aren't very interested in listening because we are being a little "crazy."
Thoughts?
Monday, April 2, 2012
The Myth of Girls' Emotional Intelligence Part 2
First, I apologize for my absence. I know there are only few of you that regularly check in (and I hope to change that, so please, follow me and comment!), but I have had a lengthy absence due to craziness at home. In addition, I am about 4 and 1/2 months pregnant, so there are some days I just crash.
Now on to the Myth of Girls' Emotional Intelligence. I have been in education for 12 years now and sometimes, someone will write something, say something, or present something that gives me the clarity I have been searching for - even if I didn't know I was looking. One portion of this chapter did that for me. The discussion about girls and how they have no empathy. The comments where girls basically said, I am who I am and if you can't deal with it, tough s@#$! The part where - it is your problem, not mine.
Some of it resonated with me. I remember thinking as a girl and young woman that showing emotion was bad. I wanted to be tough, and be one of the guys. However, it meant masking my vulnerability. I like to think I made it through okay, but that was because I grew up in a stable environment with many advantages. These girls that are told to be tough, be strong, go kick some butt; however, they don't know how to do it without sacrificing themselves and how they really feel.
Girls sacrifice expressing themselves - or learning to express themselves appropriately when they are playing the role of tough girl. If you are tough and don't care, then you don't have to express yourself and you get no practice at how it should be done without being self-destructive. The comments made by school counselors really hit the nail on the head. I have seen this with girls that age. What have you seen?
Now on to the Myth of Girls' Emotional Intelligence. I have been in education for 12 years now and sometimes, someone will write something, say something, or present something that gives me the clarity I have been searching for - even if I didn't know I was looking. One portion of this chapter did that for me. The discussion about girls and how they have no empathy. The comments where girls basically said, I am who I am and if you can't deal with it, tough s@#$! The part where - it is your problem, not mine.
Some of it resonated with me. I remember thinking as a girl and young woman that showing emotion was bad. I wanted to be tough, and be one of the guys. However, it meant masking my vulnerability. I like to think I made it through okay, but that was because I grew up in a stable environment with many advantages. These girls that are told to be tough, be strong, go kick some butt; however, they don't know how to do it without sacrificing themselves and how they really feel.
Girls sacrifice expressing themselves - or learning to express themselves appropriately when they are playing the role of tough girl. If you are tough and don't care, then you don't have to express yourself and you get no practice at how it should be done without being self-destructive. The comments made by school counselors really hit the nail on the head. I have seen this with girls that age. What have you seen?
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
How fathers can help instill confidence in their daughters
Know a dad with young daughters? Pass this on!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
The Myth of Girls' Emotional Intelligence
Let's start with the fact that this will take more than one entry per chapter. There are so many different "things" to think about as you read about girls and their emotions. Some of it is incredibly interesting because I think as grown women we perpetuate this stifling of what girls are really feeling since, in many cases, we are still doing it!
Simmons talks about how when she works with girls, it is often a first step to have them even identify what emotions they are feeling. Girls work so hard trying to feel the "right" emotions they often can't even name what is really going on within them. There are messages coming from parents, teachers, friends, society, and media as to what are the "acceptable" emotions a girl should be feeling, so when girls feel those other emotions, they stifle them in one way or another.
This chapter focuses on knowing, expressing, and accepting emotions. Here are the big questions: How are we supposed to do this with our daughters if we have been brought up in the same myth Simmons discusses in the book? As adult women are we knowing, expressing, and accepting our emotions?
Simmons talks about how when she works with girls, it is often a first step to have them even identify what emotions they are feeling. Girls work so hard trying to feel the "right" emotions they often can't even name what is really going on within them. There are messages coming from parents, teachers, friends, society, and media as to what are the "acceptable" emotions a girl should be feeling, so when girls feel those other emotions, they stifle them in one way or another.
This chapter focuses on knowing, expressing, and accepting emotions. Here are the big questions: How are we supposed to do this with our daughters if we have been brought up in the same myth Simmons discusses in the book? As adult women are we knowing, expressing, and accepting our emotions?
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Introduction - The Curse of the Good Girl
Introduction
Wow! That is quite an overview on a bunch of frustrating information I relate to in different ways. Simmons tells us girls are more involved than boys in extra -curriculars and leadership positions in high school, in addition they attend college (undergraduate and graduate) at a higher rate, but are less true to themselves and who they want to be.
Girls are trying to be super impressive, but in all the "right" ways, which means not too much of anything because that could be perceived as negative. I think this will be explored much more as we read on, but I can say with certainty, I can relate to those comments.
Here is my serious concern: Parenting and trying to get this all right in a society that has taught it all wrong. Simmons indicates that girls are disconnecting themselves from their true self. Girls try to feel the "right" emotions, or live up to the needs and wants of others. Those others could be teachers, peers, parents, or boyfriends. How do we teach girls to be aware and okay with their feelings and beliefs as a parent? Some of the things I read made me wonder about how you balance it all.
Hmmm...not sure how much more I want to speak on that right now, but it really hit home. The chapter about parenting appears to be last, so I will hold out to see how Simmons thinks I should work on my parenting. This is going to be a real learning experience....
Wow! That is quite an overview on a bunch of frustrating information I relate to in different ways. Simmons tells us girls are more involved than boys in extra -curriculars and leadership positions in high school, in addition they attend college (undergraduate and graduate) at a higher rate, but are less true to themselves and who they want to be.
Girls are trying to be super impressive, but in all the "right" ways, which means not too much of anything because that could be perceived as negative. I think this will be explored much more as we read on, but I can say with certainty, I can relate to those comments.
Here is my serious concern: Parenting and trying to get this all right in a society that has taught it all wrong. Simmons indicates that girls are disconnecting themselves from their true self. Girls try to feel the "right" emotions, or live up to the needs and wants of others. Those others could be teachers, peers, parents, or boyfriends. How do we teach girls to be aware and okay with their feelings and beliefs as a parent? Some of the things I read made me wonder about how you balance it all.
Hmmm...not sure how much more I want to speak on that right now, but it really hit home. The chapter about parenting appears to be last, so I will hold out to see how Simmons thinks I should work on my parenting. This is going to be a real learning experience....
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