How fathers can help instill confidence in their daughters

Know a dad with young daughters? Pass this on!

The Myth of Girls' Emotional Intelligence

Let's start with the fact that this will take more than one entry per chapter.  There are so many different "things" to think about as you read about girls and their emotions.  Some of it is incredibly interesting because I think as grown women we perpetuate this stifling of what girls are really feeling since, in many cases, we are still doing it!  

Simmons talks about how when she works with girls, it is often a first step to have them even identify what emotions they are feeling.  Girls work so hard trying to feel the "right" emotions they often can't even name what is really going on within them.  There are messages coming from parents, teachers, friends, society, and media as to what are the "acceptable" emotions a girl should be feeling, so when girls feel those other emotions, they stifle them in one way or another.  

This chapter focuses on knowing, expressing, and accepting emotions.  Here are the big questions: How are we supposed to do this with our daughters if we have been brought up in the same myth Simmons discusses in the book?  As adult women are we knowing, expressing, and accepting our emotions?

Introduction - The Curse of the Good Girl

Introduction

Wow!  That is quite an overview on a bunch of frustrating information I relate to in different ways. Simmons tells us girls are more involved than boys in extra -curriculars and leadership positions in high school, in addition they attend college (undergraduate and graduate) at a higher rate, but are less true to themselves and who they want to be.  

Girls are trying to be super impressive, but in all the "right" ways, which means not too much of anything because that could be perceived as negative.  I think this will be explored much more as we read on, but I can say with certainty, I can relate to those comments.

Here is my serious concern: Parenting and trying to get this all right in a society that has taught it all wrong.  Simmons indicates that girls are disconnecting themselves from their true self.  Girls try to feel the "right" emotions, or live up to the needs and wants of others.  Those others could be teachers, peers, parents, or boyfriends.  How do we teach girls to be aware and okay with their feelings and beliefs as a parent?  Some of the things I read made me wonder about how you balance it all.

Hmmm...not sure how much more I want to speak on that right now, but it really hit home.  The chapter about parenting appears to be last, so I will hold out to see how Simmons thinks I should work on my parenting.   This is going to be a real learning experience....

The Curse of the Good Girl

As a mother helping raise three daughters, I have become distinctly aware of the influence media has on females.  My concern has grown as my step-daughters have moved in with the family that includes my three year old daughter.  The barrage of media influences are damaging to our daughters - to females in general.  The images we see and behaviors we witness through the constant flood of media is overwhelming and the messages are difficult to process.  

These images and influences don't just affect our daughters, they affect us as well.  What mother doesn't read a magazine about another "Super-Mom" and wonder why we can't live up to that standard?  How many of you have flipped through a magazine only to gaze at the perfect skin of an airbrushed model or body shape of some famous figure with three children?  As a grown woman, who knows reality (and how it is airbrushed into fantasy), we are still wondering how to attain the unattainable for those few moments.  How can we expect our daughters not to be affected when it affects us?

Now, this might seem like a tangent, but it isn't - I promise.  I am a sorority girl through and through.  Kappa Delta Sorority.  Now before you stop reading, or roll your eyes in judgement (we do that to each other - I know!), let me tell you what Kappa Delta is doing.  Have you heard of the Confidence Coalition? It is a fantastic beginning.  The Confidence Coalition has banded corporations, organizations, and groups together to say, "We want to help girls, young women, and grown women be confident, successful members of society.  We want women to like themselves!"  That is awesome!

The Confidence Coalition introduced me to Rachel Simmons.  I had heard of her book Odd Girl Out, but through this information, I also found The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence.  I am going to read this book and blog about it.  There is an introduction, followed by twelve chapters and an epilogue.  That means there will be a minimum of fourteen blog entries about this book.  I will reflect on what the information means to me as a mom and educator.  I hope you will consider joining me for this informal book study.  I think discussing these issues is crucial to becoming a better woman, mother, wife, and friend.

Cause and Effect

Miss Representation has really done a great job of getting information on the social media websites to make us think about the impact social media has on us. Check out this video. It really made me think, and it brings up some great points to discuss with your daughters. We can't stop social media, but we can be intelligent about how we ingest it!

Taking Criticism

As a person, one of the most difficult skills to learn is how to take criticism of any kind. As a grown woman, I still struggle at times to make sure I remember that constructive criticism is useful and necessary. However, we often forget to help teach young women how to work through accepting constructive criticism. Rachel Simmons, a confidence professional, gives her insight on not taking it personally. Pass this on to any female that might find it useful!

Miss Representation

Helping raise girls has made me more aware of the world around me.  It is unfair to expose our young daughters to the media pressures I believe I can handle as an adult woman. I have become much more active learning about how women are portrayed in the media and trying to determine how I can counteract that with my own children.  If you are raising young girls, I would strongly recommend watching Miss Representation, a fantastic documentary that really makes you think about how the media portrays us, and how we allow the media to do so.  Check out the website about the documentary here.

Full of Awesome

If you haven't read this blog post from PigTail Pals and you are raising girls, or are a girl, you need to read this. We all need the reminder that we are all full of awesome. We may lose track of it, but it doesn't leave. We just need to celebrate it and acknowledge it. In other words, ladies, we should live that we are awesome - don't let anyone tell you differently!

What do you think of the Full of Awesome post at the link above? I would love to hear your thoughts!